Failure is not a fun experience. It happens and we can learn from it, but what if you feel like a failure all the time? Nothing specific happened where you actually failed, but you can’t shake that feeling. I suffer from depression and most likely have for longer than I care to admit. My biggest problem was when I felt I was a complete and utter failure and that my kids and husband would be better off without me. These aren’t easy words to write, but those are the feelings I was dealing with. Some days were worse than others. You don’t even have to be diagnosed with depression to feel like a failure. I want to share ways that will hopefully help you deal with it and realize that you are not a failure.
Stop and take stock.
Stop and see what’s happening in your life. Are there too many appointments and commitments? Do you not have anything happening? Are you having to reschedule and rethink your commitments because of things beyond your control?
When did it start?
When did this feeling of failure start? It might have crept up on you, but you should be able to pinpoint the general time when you started feeling it. What was going on? Was it something out of your control? Was it something you can control?
Make a list of what you think you’re failing at.
After so much thinking, we’re going to take action. Make that list. Write down exactly what you feel you’re failing at. Look at that list. Be honest with yourself. Are there things you can control or influence?
Make an action plan.
Taking the list you made, make a plan to change what you can. Too many appointments? See if you can space them out or even cancel some. Too many commitments? Are they truly important to you, something you feel called to do? If not, bow out. There will be someone to step in. It’s not failure to admit you’re not Super Woman/Man. You can’t be everywhere and do everything. Or do you feel like a failure because life’s boring? Get online and see if there’s a group in your area doing something you or your kids find interesting! Find free activities in your area to participate in. Don’t overdo it, take it one activity at a time.
Final step: Make a list of what you’re good at.
If you find yourself struggling with making this list, enlist help. Ask your spouse, your kids (if they’re old enough), family, friends. Don’t be shy! You are good at things. I know I’m good at cooking, planning, and drawing. Another thing, if you’re Christian, remember that God made you. He knows every part of you and He finds you worthy.
Feeling worthless and a failure sucks. It can be really hard to shake that feeling. If you feel like you’re a failure most days and feel like no one would miss you if you were gone or everyone would be better off, please see a doctor! Those thoughts are false and toxic. I know because I’ve been there. I’m not a doctor and the advice in this post is not intended as medical advice. But I suffer from depression and I know what it’s like to feel like my children and husband would be better off if they weren’t burdened with me. It scared me how bad it was getting, so now I’m managing my depression with medication. It’s not shameful. What would be shameful would be to deprive your family of your presence. They don’t see you how you see yourself. You are beautiful and worthy and full of promise that you don’t realize. Reach out to me at melissa@woman-in-charge if you would like me to pray for you or if you would simply like a sympathetic ear to whisper into.